(25) What’s in a name?

At 28 weeks, everything seems to be stable.  Even though I’ve got more on my daily “to do list” than anticipated, all is well in the womb.  The doctors are not as concerned with my short cervix anymore, whew!  It’s been stable for the last 4 weeks, so my pessary must be doing its job.  I get to see Dr. Merrill at this week’s visit, and he tells me it’s very important that I get a Flu shot.  Ugh, really?  (insert whiny voice here).  I’ve never had the Flu (or a Flu shot) before.  And I’m concerned about any possible side-effects on my passengers.  But Dr. Merrill tells me that getting the flu while pregnant can be dangerous to all of us, so being the good little patient that I am, I listen to the doctor and agree to get the dreaded shot.  When the nurse arrives, I ask “Can you give it to me in my butt? It’s still numb from all my other shots!”   She says: “I don’t care.  Wherever you want it is okay with me.”   So add this to my list of future “payback”chores for these boys.  Oh yes, Holly is keeping tabs on how many car washes I’ll need, foot rubs, etc…

Later that week, Tom and I met Holly and Darren at Panera for dinner.  We all sat down to eat our yummy food, mine low carb of course.  At the end, Holly passes me a little gift bag with a card.  I open the card to read it, and I at first was a little confused.  It mentioned something about the baby names.  You see, after the Multnomah Falls family reveal, we learned Holly and Darren’s name choices for the boys.  Baby A would be named Noah Jude.   Baby B would be named Jace Beckom.  Baby B’s middle name is a combination of my name (BECKy) and Tom’s name (tOM).  But the card I am reading now says that Baby B’s name will be Beckom Samuel.  So what happened?  It turns out that Holly, Darren, and their families liked the name Beckom so much that they decided to make it his first name!  We were stunned, but in a good way.  It is such an honor to have one of the babies named after me and Tom.  Now this “project” seems more special than ever, if that is even possible.

Beckom Samuel <B

August 20th - 28 weeks

    Kaela painted a picture for Holly to hang in the boys bedroom.  It was of a book Holly holds dear to her heart.  

(24) I guess we’re not done poking me

It sounds silly now, but my first concern after hearing I had gestational diabetes was that I’d have to give up my favorite pizza.  I’ve been making a special effort to eat healthy foods throughout this pregnancy, and the pizza was one of the few exceptions.  And it wasn’t really that unhealthy…  Deep down, I know that my diet had nothing to do with the diabetes diagnosis, but I’m still pretty shocked by the news.  And for the first time, I’m actually a little concerned about myself.  Gestational diabetes is typically temporary (going away after giving birth), but not always.  Permanent diabetes isn’t something I bargained for.  With an inward sigh, I remind myself again to be positive.  Be positive.  Be positive.

The nurse with the diabetes diagnosis also provided the number to the closest nutritional counselor.  It was close to my house (not in Portland or Washington, or worse), so maybe my luck is already turning around.  On the following Monday, the very nice nutritionist let me know that I just barely didn’t pass the gestational diabetes test.  But even a mild case is taken very seriously, especially for any pregnancy considered high risk (like mine!).  To my relief, she also tells me that my favorite pizza and peanut M&Ms are not off-limits after all.  I just have to refrain from feasting on them.  Can do!  Now I’m really feeling that my luck is turning around.  Then, the nutritionist provides an organized outline of what I should eat and when.  Basically, it’s a good guideline of how you should eat all the time, gestational diabetes or not.  And, it’s really not far off from how I’ve been eating during this pregnancy already.  Can do.  Next, I get the blood testing kit from her.  It’s small and portable, and appears easy to use.  But yes, it does mean poking my fingers three times every day, on a very specific schedule.  More pokes...  But at least these are minor compared to the progesterone!  OK, so now I know the new rules.  Anyone who knows me can confirm that I’m a “rule follower”, so this situation is no exception.  Besides, I’ve got my precious cargo to keep me motivated.  I do exactly as I’m told.

Now I’m recording my blood pressure AND blood sugar levels, three times each day!  I even created a special “spreadsheet” to keep everything organized.  After all, I have to turn in these readings during my many doctor visits.  After the first week of this, Holly and Darren came over for dinner.  For moral support, Holly suggested we all do a finger poke.  Holly steps up like champ, even letting me push the “needle release” button on the testing meter.  If you know Holly, you’d know that she doesn’t give up control of something like this lightly.  Tom was next.  No issues.  Then it was Darren’s turn, and it was clear he was not so enthusiastic about participating.  This was not his idea.  Reluctantly, he stepped up to the table, and nervously sat down.  I demand a finger.  It’s pretty comical how he starts to comply, then pulls his finger back.  He’s smiling, but is not happy.  I finally grab his ring finger and push the needle release plunger, but Darren’s finger shows nothing!  He thinks he’s done, but Holly and I are not satisfied without seeing that telltale small blood droplet.  This just means a slightly deeper setting is needed, and I proceed by making the adjustment on the meter.  This time, he pulls his finger away so fast that I couldn’t grab it for a re-poke.  He cried “deeper, why?!”  He knew why.  But I calmly reminded him that we saw no blood on the first try, likely due to thicker skin or a callous on his finger.  Resigned to his fate, Darren agreed to a 2^nd try.  As the needle penetrates his finger, a look of panic crosses his face, and an exaggerated expression of pain follows.  PRICELESS!  

Sept 6th - 26 weeks

June 21st - 15 weeks Bare belly

Sept 6th - 26 weeks Bare belly

(23) Feed me!

I continue see a doctor at least once per week, and so far I haven’t had any new issues.  Yes, I still take BP medication.  Yes, my cervix is still short.  Yes, I still have the pessary in place.  But at least things seem stable.  I’ve hardly noticed a difference with/without having that hard plastic pessary inside me.  Maybe a little TMI, but the only time I notice it is during my nightly Progesterone suppository routine.  I try to get them as close to the cervix as possible, so yeah, I feel the hard plastic.  And for those who are wondering about “intimacy”, there is none of that happening!  Officially not allowed.  I’m wondering if my husband will go bonkers by the time this is all over.  He and I are handling it well so far (I think!), but it’s not a restriction we were anticipating.  Another small sacrifice.

At almost 25 weeks, it’s that time in my pregnancy for me have the glucose test to check for gestational diabetes.  I’m pretty confident I’ll be OK.  I certainly don’t want to worry Holly with anything beyond the BP/cervix/pessary situations.  The test starts early (7:30am) at the doctors’ office with a “fasting blood check”.  To prepare, I have been instructed not to eat or drink for at least 8 hours before this test.  So I’m waiting with four other hungry/thirsty pregnant women to get finger pokes.  Not exactly a happy bunch.  To pass the time, we chat about the babies to be, so I fill them in on my little adventure.  Usually people react with positive enthusiasm when they hear my story, but not everyone.  Some people believe you shouldn’t mess with Mother Nature.  Luckily, I don’t encounter any such negativity today.  After we all get the first finger poke, we get to drink a lovely syrupy drink.  Yuck.  I chose the lemon/lime because I was told it’s the best one, but it was still bad.  We had 15 minutes to drink it.  Then we get two blood tests: the first after one hour has elapsed, and then another after two hours have elapsed.  Needless to say, we are all starving by the time the test is over.  Afterwards, I have an appointment with Dr. Winkler, one of my favorites.  I haven’t seen him in a while. They do the normal checks.  My weight has been pretty steady lately.  I’ve gained about 29 pounds, which must be OK because it’s never brought up as an issue.  They check my cervical length too (again).  No surprise, it’s short, but unchanged from prior checks (measurements are generally between 1.8-2.1cm).  After my appointment, I go to my favorite pizza place (Life of Pie) down the street from the doctor’s office.  It’s starting to become a ritual.  But I can’t help it because it’s that good!  If you’re ever in NE Portland Oregon, you can’t go wrong eating there.  At 5:30pm my phone rings with the glucose test results.  Yep, I have gestational diabetes.  Crap!

(22) Emotional Roller-coaster Ride

Today is a very special day.  We’re 1 day past the 24 week milestone.  It is one of the most important milestones we’ve been hoping to reach.  Now it’s time to execute the Multnomah Falls “reveal” plan.  We’ve been talking about this day since before I was even pregnant and IT’S FINALLY HERE!  I didn’t sleep well last night because of my giddy excited nerves.  This morning, I carefully selected my clothing, because I want to make a good first impression on this new extended family I’ll be meeting today.  I also take the time to straighten my hair, because I have this horrible frizzy stuff that I usually just put in a ponytail.  My daughter Kaela reluctantly gets out of bed early.  She is a teenager after all, and it’s summer.  She’s part of the plan, so she has to get up.  We head for Multnomah Falls which is about a 30 minute drive from our house.

We arrive early so we can avoid seeing Holly and Darren’s families in the parking lot or by the river where they are holding their memorial.  We sit on the built-in bench in front of the Falls, and I have Kaela whip a drawing up of the bridge above.  She completes an amazing drawing in just a few minutes.  My plan is to act like I’m drawing while they all line up in front of the railing for a memorial photo.  Then Holly and Darren will ask “strangers” Tom and Kaela to take a picture, which won’t be a picture but actually a video.  We’re so sneaky!

Kaela's quick draw of Multnomah Falls bridge

At about 9am, we see the unsuspecting crew trickling in.   I’ve never met any of their families but I’ve seen photos on Instagram and Facebook.  I can also sense someone standing behind me so I take a peak.  It looks like Holly’s father -- EEK!  He appears to be checking out “my” drawing (Later, he tells me how impressed he was with the drawing – Thanks Kaela!).  There are a few other people around, but it isn’t too busy this morning, thank goodness, because we are about to blow the minds of everyone gathering here to memorialize the loss of Jude and Brinly.  After a few minutes, Holly and Darren’s families somberly gather together for the picture.  Holly walks up to a handsome stranger (Tom) and asks him to take a picture, while Darren hands Kaela his phone.  I just continue to pretend to draw.  As Tom starts counting 3-2-1, I get up and casually walk right into the group, trying to squeeze between Holly and Darren.  Everyone still smiles for the “photo”, but they are clearly confused and shocked at my rudeness.  After they thought the photo taking was done, Holly’s mom even says “can we take another one?”   I’m sure she was thinking “who is this rude woman who just photo-bombed us?!”

Then Holly turns and puts her hand on my belly and announces “this is our surrogate, Becky”.  Instantly, Holly’s mom FREAKS OUT!  She starts crying “What?!...  What?!...”  Nobody was ready for this.  Nobody even had the slightest suspicion.  They just completed a heart-breaking memorial for the lost babies, and now are hearing the heart-warming news of a new baby to be born.    I say “baby” because we are saving the “twin” surprise for later today!  Holly has a sonogram of one of the twins to show everyone.  The emotional roller-coaster ride has only just begun....

Holly and Darren had previously arranged memorial brunch at their house, which has now transformed into a bubbly gender reveal party.  All of their family members are still in shock, but now in a good way.  The excitement is electric as we all grab a bite to eat.  Then while everyone is finishing up, Holly and Darren pull out the gender reveal box.  Just one box at first.  But just before the box is opened to reveal either pink or blue balloons, Holly and Darren pause the action to bring out a second box.  And then another round of freaking out erupts, as expected and planned.  Twins!

Me and Tom before the reveal

August 23rd - 24 weeks

Holly, Becky and Heidi (Holly's sis ~30 weeks)

(21) Positively Planning in advance

As my belly grows, so does my love. These two little boys may poke and prod me causing me pain, but that means they are alive, so bring it!  I have learned while doing this that it is not to be taken for granted.  I feel for all the women in this world who struggle with infertility.  I was blind to all of this, for which I’m grateful to finally have this eye opening experience.  I don’t know of anyone who has ever done this, so I think I’m one of few.  In the beginning I thought it really was NO BIG DEAL.  But, the farther along I get I’m realizing it is a big deal.  I did this for more than just Holly and Darren.  I did it for these two little boys and they haven’t even been born yet.  I know these two little guys are going to special! 

I remember meeting with Holly and Darren back in February for breakfast.  We were discussing how all my preparations were going and then Holly announced that her sister was pregnant.  I could tell she was really happy for her but at the same time sad.  She couldn’t believe her sister just ran a 5k then tells the family about the pregnancy.  Woman who struggle with infertility usually wouldn’t be running marathons while in the first stages of pregnancy.  After this crazy news I told Holly that I was confident this would work.  I assured her “I get pregnant really easy” so don’t worry.  I had to apologize to her later on because I thought it was really insensitive of me to say.  She said normally that would be a hard thing to hear but because it was me, she loves my special ability.

We start to discuss the future of something that is still just a hope and a dream, how to tell their families about me and my passengers.  That’s right I’m not even pregnant yet and we’re discussing this!  Holly had already decided she wanted to have a memorial for Jude at Multnomah Falls.  We started developing a plan as to how far along and 24 weeks gestation was decided.  This is when the medical world will take extreme measures to keep a baby alive when born this early.  The percentage is low, but there is a chance.  This is Holly’s milestone to reach before they inform their families.  They didn’t want them to have to go through the possibility of another loss.  It takes great courage to shield these feelings from them and Holly is overflowing with it. 

Luckily I’ve never met any of their families so they won’t recognize us at the falls.  We decide on Sunday August 24^th at 9am.  How appropriate, I’ll be 24 weeks and 1 day on the 24^th of August!  

What to wear, what to wear! 

August 9th - 22 weeks

Me and fruit comparison photo! 

(20) Wait, you’d like to put WHAT inside me?

It’s week 21, and I’ve got another doctor appointment today.  Not a surprise since I go weekly now.  But because of these frequent appointments, it seems like I am seeing a different doctor every time.  Don’t get me wrong, they all seem very knowledgeable and I respect them, BUT I was hoping to stick with one doctor or maybe two at the most.  I think I’m up to five now!  I really shouldn’t care, but maybe I do because of my past experiences.  With my son, I had just one doctor, who I loved.  With my daughter, I had several, and I didn’t exactly love the one who delivered her.  Anyhow, all these different doctors tend to form their own opinions from looking at my chart.  Not always a good thing in my opinion.  Today I get to see the only woman doctor at this location.  Dr. Robertson is a dead ringer for a girl I used to work with at LensCrafters.  Even her mannerisms are the same.   It’s quite remarkable.  So we talk yet again about my short cervix measurements.  I’m starting to believe that I just naturally have a shorter cervix than most women, and all of these weekly scans are just confirming this.  But now the doctors are suggesting something new.  I’m not thrilled about it, but maybe it will ease everybody’s minds.  

Apparently, I’m about to be a part of something that won’t mean much to the average person, but is very interesting to doctors who specialize in maternal fetal medicine (MFM).

Have you ever heard of a Pessary?  Me neither.  It’s a small plastic ring, designed to be placed on the cervix. It essentially holds the cervix closed (not allowing it to dilate) the more pressure put upon it.  The UK has been doing case studies of using a pessary to prevent preterm labor.  This is just one of its many uses, and I hope no one ever has to have one outside of pregnancy!  They have had good results over in the UK, and Dr. Robertson thinks I’m a great candidate to try it out.  They typically don’t choose woman pregnant with multiples, but at this point with my cervix being “dangerously” short, it can’t hurt (I guess!).  Holly is with me today, and she is so worried about me enduring another obstacle.  Seriously?!  I assure her that I have absolutely no objections.  Practically anything is OK with me now, provided it helps keep these two little guys in there longer.  I ask the doctor about possible side effects, and she says I might not be able to pee.  Gee, that doesn’t sound good to me at all.  So that’s the first thing we need to check after the doctor finishes the pessary “installation”.   Holly still is hesitant about this, but I say “let’s get it over with”.  Holly leaves the room, because yeah she’s not seeing this.  Were close, but not that close!  I undress, and Dr. Robertson comes back with two white plastic rings, one somewhat larger than the other.  Luckily, she chose the small one for me.  Whew!  A minute later she says “Okay, go to the bathroom, fingers crossed!”  Luckily I have to go to the bathroom, yeah pregnant, that’s all the time!  Yes!  Success!  

For you visual people. Here is what it looks like in place!

So let’s make a check list.  BP medication – check.  Heartburn medication – check.  Two daily Progesterone suppository’s – check.  One pessary – check!  I’m hoping the pessary will be the last of the “special” treatments…..

My week 22 appointment shows no significant cervix changes, which I’m taking as good news, especially since we now have the pessary “insurance”.  Basically, everything looks just like is has for the past month. That’s why I’m now convinced I just have an abnormally short cervix.  The only way to find out for sure would be to have it measured when I’m not pregnant.  Yeah, that isn’t high on my to-do list when this is over!  I think I’ve had enough “invasion” down there for a lifetime…

We are getting close to our 24 week milestone.  Even before the boys were growing inside me, Holly and Darren have been planning a special “reveal” for their families at Multnomah Falls, a popular scenic location just east of the Portland area.  Remember:  their families still have no idea this is happening!  It will be a very emotional and exciting milestone to reach for all of us, especially Holly.  

Aug 9th - 22 weeks

(19) Snickers out - M&M’s in!

 As the days turn into weeks and my belly grows bigger and bigger, I can’t help but to reflect back to when I was pregnant with my own children.  It was a very long time ago, when I was young and invincible.  I didn’t care that much about what I was eating.  As a matter of fact, I’m pretty sure I got really drunk on Margaritas before I even knew I was pregnant with my son.  I feel horrible about that now, really horrible, but I was 21!  I didn’t have a care in the world until I took that pregnancy test.  So there I was, 21 years old, not married, and pregnant.  Sometimes I wish I would have made different choices with my life growing up.  But fate is interesting.  Had I made different choices, I wouldn’t be here today carrying these two precious little boys for Holly and Darren.

While pregnant with my son, I remember eating a Snickers bar for breakfast almost every day!  I worked at a manufacturing company, and I had to be there by 5am.  That Snickers bar seemed like a great early morning pick-me-up.  In my 21 year old head, it was a great breakfast – of course with a nice hot cup of coffee too.  I think I at least switched to Decaf (maybe!).  I also remember craving mac-n-cheese all the time, and giving in to this temptation almost every time.  Again, what was I thinking?!  I guess I thought that if my pregnant body craved it, my pregnant body needed it.  Despite these questionable eating habits, my pregnancy went smoothly.  But at my final doctor appointment, I learned that I had a narrow pelvic bone opening, which made the Doctor concerned about a vaginal delivery (I know: TMI.  But I’m beyond modesty now…)  As it turned out, the Doctor’s hunch was right, and I never progressed past 4cm dilation after 10 hours of labor, and I ended up getting an emergency C-section.  Fast forward almost 5 years later, and I’m now married to Tom, and we are about to have our daughter.  This pregnancy was just as easy, with the typical unimportant “ugh, I can’t see my feet” and “do I care if my legs are shaved?” topics.  My current doctor wants me to have a V-bac (vaginal birth after cesarean) which I do not want.  Anyway, he wins (I’m not happy about this) and I have my daughter after about 8 hours of labor.  His plan worked.  He induced me 2 weeks early so she wouldn’t be too big.  Zach at 39 weeks was 9lbs 1oz and Kaela at 38 weeks was 7lbs 11oz.  Two healthy babies, ~5 years apart.  I can’t help but wonder how much these guys will weigh.

Back to the present:  Over the last few weeks we’ve been wondering if the boys are identical or fraternal twins.  Since we placed two frozen embryos in, we have assumed they are fraternal, but the doctors say there is a 10 percent chance they could be identical.  It’s possible one embryo didn’t “take” and the other one split.  We’ll have to wait a while longer to find out for sure.

When you are carrying twins, there are certain questions/concerns that don’t apply to a singleton.  One question:  What type of twins are they?  It turns out I am carrying Dichorionic twins.  This means they each have their own placenta to supply nutrients to them.  Monochorionic twins share a placenta, which can lead to a dangerous possibility of twin-to-twin transfusion syndrome.  I’m so thankful they are Di-Di twins (Di-Di meaning separate sac and placenta).  It’s really fascinating watching the ultrasounds, because you can see the thin lining separating them -- and it looks so delicate.  As I watch these two Kung Foo fighters, it seems like the lining could rip so easily.  But it is apparently much stronger than it looks.  And yes, sometimes their movements hurt me a little, but it is also a unique and beautiful feeling all rolled into one.  If it isn’t Baby B pushing on my right rib cage, then it’s Baby A jabbing at my cervix.  The cervix jabs are by far the most painful and disconcerting.  With the rib cage pokes and pressure, I can sometimes bend to the other side to alleviate the feeling.  But with the cervix pokes, there is nothing I can do except breathe through it.  Ugh.  But I don’t hold it against the little guy.  He is just trying to move around with what little room he has.  I can only imagine if these two aren’t jabbing me, then they’re probably jabbing each other – acting like young Kung Foo fighters! 

I’m trying to eat as healthy as I can for these two.  No mac-n-cheese or snickers this time!  Although I do allow a little nightly treat of peanut M&M’s, I stick to the small Halloween-size bags.  I’m also drinking so much water that it seems almost crazy.  Trips to the bathroom hourly, yes!  But I hear horror stories of women who don’t drink enough water, and their amniotic fluid is compromised because of it.  I DO NOT WANT THAT!  So at 21 weeks, I’ve gained around 23 pounds.  I’m happy with that.  I want to give these two the best possible start.  After all, they were frozen for 9 months before we “met”.  Isn’t science great!

Not a flattering picture. Me at LA fitness pool

21 weeks, they are the size of carrots