My first night alone in my hospital room felt strange. Sure, I no longer have anyone kicking my ribs (Noah!) or punching my cervix anymore (Beckom!), but I already miss my little companions. Mentally, I thought I was prepared for this. Now I'm not so sure. There must be an unavoidable biological attachment that I'm struggling to overcome.
Physically, I’ve experienced a huge change. My formerly large belly is no longer protruding out, and what is there is now jelly-like. Because I had a C-section I have to keep the catheter in for 24 hours, sigh…. It is a weird feeling not being able to get up and walk to the bathroom. Although, I really can’t feel my legs so therefor I don’t miss the walking too much. I do have these wonderful warm air massagers on my lower legs to keep my blood circulating while lying down. My nurse comes in every 2-3 hours during the night to check my vitals. That is probably the absolute worst about hospital stays, the constant monitoring. I realize it’s for my safety and I appreciate all medical staff and their roles. But for the love, please let me sleep! My overnight nurse also has the nerve to complains about my continuous urine output. I scrunch my shoulders and say “I just had two baby’s and I like my water” “sorry, not sorry” Of course I think that last comment to myself! I’ve also had a breast pump with me since I’ve been in my room. I’ve been pumping every 2 hours to get the colostrum for the boys. Unfortunately, it doesn’t seem like I am getting much. My poor girls are not too happy right now, and I think it will only get worse before it gets better. I’m trying to pump every two hours to get things moving. But it seems a little slow! Again, sigh…. The nurses are very encouraging, telling me every little drop is liquid gold to those boys. I have a feeling it’s because I don’t have them in here with me. It’s like my body knows they were not mine to keep, so why produce much.
Morning finally arrives, and although I'm tired, I’m eager to see the new little family. Since I am officially bed-bound until 6:30 pm tonight, I have to rely on Holly and Darren to come over for a visit. Holly and Darren pop over around 7 am with the boys. Oh my word, they are about as precious as they come. I know part of it is because I carried them for the last 8 months. But, damn, I am instantly in love with these little guys. I don't think the new parents got much sleep last night. But you would never know it because they are beyond thrilled to be here with their new little boys. Smiles for days!!
Tom went home last night to sleep. They have a little bench here but it looks really uncomfortable. Plus, Tom needs to take our dog to the kennel where we board her. Unfortunately, they live in Estacada and with the Icey roads, Tom has to meet them because his car won’t make it to them unless he chains up. So, yes one more thing to worry about. I’m usually the one who drops her off too. Unfortunately, I have a medical crisis while Tom is lost looking for Lisa and her husband. He’s trying to call me, but I can’t answer the phone in my condition. He would FREAK out!
I am lying in my bed because I still have my catheter for several more hours, ugh. Holly and Darren and the boys just left. It was fun visiting with them, seeing the boys and hearing how night number one went. I gave Tom Lisa’s address, so I’m ready for a nap. As I’m lying there trying to relax I start to feel this weird pain in my upper abdomen, right under my lower left rib cage. Now, I had a C-section only about 16 hours ago. I haven’t really needed any pain meds except for Tylenol with Codeine. My discomfort has been minimal, I have a high pain tolerance. But the pain I am feeling now is starting to become unbearable. As I lay there I am thinking “what in the world did I do to deserve this kind of pain?!” I finally meet my breaking point and call my nurse. I am in so much pain I am crying uncontrollably and out of breath. It’s like that hiccup crying/breathing type of sob. Of course, my nurse isn’t at her station so another takes her page and after she finally deciphers my sobbing she says she’ll find her immediately. While I’m in the throes of this pain this little elderly lady comes in to clean my room. The look on her face was pure horror. I am sure she thought I was dying or possible she thought I was grieving. I am after all in the post-partum section of the hospital and clearly, I have no baby in my room. I felt so bad for her having to see me like that. She asked me if she could do anything, so sweet. I told her I had called the nurse. Hannah comes into my room about 5-10 minutes later. I really don’t remember how long it was but it felt like hours. She is really concerned because I am crying so hard I can barely speak. She runs to get me some Morphine, luckily I can have it since I’ve only been taking Tylenol3. She gets back and puts it in my IV as quick as she can. It takes about 5 mins and the pain lessons but by no means is it gone. I can at least coherently tell her what is going on. I had a pain that traveled from my lower ribs all the way up to my shoulder where it meets my neck. It was the most excruciating pain I have ever felt! I seriously thought, “please, just kill me I can’t take it anymore”. I am so happy Holly didn’t come over at that time. She would have been horrified and then felt guilty. My nurse explained it was an air bubble. Anyone is at risk for this happening after having surgery. Most of the time your body absorbs it and releases it in the form of gas, either by burping or well you know…lol. For some reason, I wasn’t so lucky. She told me it happened to her husband, but maybe not as severely. All I know is that I wouldn’t wish that pain on anyone, EVER! Tom shows up a few hours later, luckily he missed that freak show.
At around 5 pm Hannah decides part of my problem earlier with the air bubble was because I can’t get up and walk around. She gets approval from the attending on duty to remove my catheter early. All I can say is Halle-fricken-lujah! I can also now take a shower, yay! But first, I need to be able to sit myself up and walk to the restroom. Remember I just had my lower abdomen sliced open. I think sitting up is the worst part. Luckily I have an adjustable bed that can do half the sitting up for me. I know, I know, lazy! I sit on the edge of my bed for a few minutes while Tom gets my slippers in place. My first trip to the bathroom is a little wobbly. It was more like shuffling. It’s amazing how quickly the leg muscles weaken. Once I have made a couple of trips to the restroom, I’m ready to venture further. I remember after having my son that the quickest way to heal was to get off your butt and start walking. I wanted my first trip on my new found legs to see Holly and Darren. I give Darren a quick text to make sure they are awake. Unfortunately, they didn’t respond so I didn’t get to see them as soon as I’d hoped.
I couldn't be contained once I was able to start taking walks. Tom and I did a few laps and while doing so I came across a scale. I decide, what the heck, let's see how much I weigh now. I turn it on, it’s a fancy digital one. I step on after it zeros out and I weigh in at 162lbs. I lost 30lbs giving birth, DAMMMNN! Darren finally gets back to me and Tom and we were able to go visit with them. Those little boys were so good. It was so comforting to get to hold them. I held Noah and Tom held Beckom. We even got to feed them their little bottles. Holly was able to induce lactation but it isn’t giving her enough just yet. So the hospital is providing donated milk until she gets a better supply. I’m still not getting much either, which is weird because I was a cow with both of my kids.
It was an eventful day after for sure. I'm feeling both physically and emotionally better. Seeing those two little boys helped a lot. I am certainly looking forward to being their "Aunt Becky".
|Mom and Dad with Noah and Beckom|
|Darren and Beckom|
|Me holding Beckom and Noah|
|Noah and his perfection! You wouldn't know this is a newborn only hours old.|
|Tom holding little Beckom with his worried face 😍|