Tuesday, November 14, 2017

(36) Life after birth - Checkered flag

Today is Noah and Beckoms 3rd birthday. I love these two with all my heart! Even though genetically they are not mine, I feel a connection to them. I am forever thankful that Holly and Darren still let me, and Tom be a part of their life.

This blog didn’t go as I had originally planned. I wanted to be finished writing this blog by their 2nd birthday. Well, life happens, and I had two family members fighting cancer which completely threw my timetable off. I thank you all who have stuck with me reading all or some of my entries. It has certainly taken me long enough to finish!

After I was released from the hospital I had a lot of time on my hands. I felt pretty good, even though I was still having some medical weirdness going on. I will sum it up as to what I feel happened to my body. I had the Pessary placed on my cervix for approximately 4 months. So, I think because of this my cervix was kinked shut, I know weird. This is the only explanation I have as to why I didn’t bleed after my C-section. It was about two weeks later that I had this gushing of yuck come out.  TMI, sorry!  I immediately contacted the doctor’s office because it contained some very large blood clots. It wasn’t pleasant, and I ended up needing antibiotics. So, if you are reading this and you have a pessary and are scheduling a C-section – BEWARE…… This could happen to you.

I continued to pump to give Holly all the milk I could. I just wasn’t producing much milk, sigh. I would listen to babies crying on YouTube to try and stimulate a letdown. Nothing really worked. I finally gave up after about 4 weeks of pumping every 2-3 hours. I will chalk it up to just not having babies nearby. It’s like my body knew what was going on. Luckily Holly was successfully producing milk herself. She also had several friends and family giving her extra that they were producing. I am disappointed in my body for this failure, but it did grow two CUTE little boys….

I definitely went through some form of postpartum. Most likely because I didn’t have a baby near me.  Maybe this falls under a different definition, idk, I am not a doctor. I would cry for no reason or just be sad. If I received a photo of the boys in a text it would instantly cheer me up. I know at one-point Tom contacted Holly and Darren because he was so worried for me. He didn’t like seeing me so sad. He knew I would be mad when I found out he talked to them, but he didn’t care. oh, I was mad, but I was also thankful. I didn't want to bother them with my issues, they had two new babies to care for.  It took a good few months to really get over that separation period, or did it? I started watching the boys when Holly went back to work so my void was filled, hmmm.

I still to this day feel sad if I haven’t seen a post or picture of them. I can’t help it. In this time of smart phones with Instagram and Facebook, a little peek into their lives is easy. I often wonder if other Gestational carriers/surrogates feel this too. I am extremely fortunate to still be a part of their lives. I don’t think this happens for the others out there helping couples have a family. My advice to someone considering doing this, DO IT! Your heart will be full

Maybe our future Presidents!

Beckom loves the Hulk!
Noah loves Spider man!


Super heroes in the making!

Happy 3rd Birthday Beckom and Noah!